(BBW) Romance…. what the hell?

While browsing through some book stores on the internet I noticed not for the first time the letters BBW nicely tucked away between brackets in the title. I admit, I have been lazy and it has taken me years of seeing that before (last night) I finally did a google search to find out what it meant. Big Beautiful Women… huh?

Okay, for the BBW reading this blog, maybe now is the time for you to grab some strong coffee before you continue reading (and maybe just add a shot of tequila to be on the safe side).

Do I have issues with this? Actually I do, it´s complicated. Let me see where do I begin. Books with BBW in the title tend to focus too much on the overweight female characters instead of the story, her actions or her personality. It is usually all about her size and her insecurities with the gorgeous and perfect male. So that was issue number 1, moving on to issue number 2, while I don´t believe in the stick thin models nor in anything as absurd as a size 0, does that even exist? I enjoy walking into a store and finding clothes for women who actually eat and yes, I believe a woman is meant to have beautiful curves but being obese is another story.

Before the BBW start screaming that it is not that easy to loose weight, you are right it is not, but it´s not impossible. I went through a diet that Hades drank from the Phlegethon and spat out for Cerberus to carry into this world just for me and for months I was a regular visitor in the Underworld drinking from the Cocytus but in the end it was worth it.

These books are telling women that it is okay to be extremely overweight or obese, well it´s not okay to do that to yourself, to your body and to those who love you. We are not defined by our bodies, but not taking care of yourself does define you as irresponsible. And if the book is about a beautiful woman who has a soft body and gorgeous curves like they are meant to have, then don´t label them as BBW.

After that being said, I avoid reading books that have the BBW in the title, just because the authors focus too much on the wrong things and lose sight of the plot. I have never read one book that the female character was overweight and the author pushed the story in a different direction like making the character eat healthier, walk instead of driving or just going to dance lessons and enjoying the hell out of life in the process. That´s too bad because life isn´t always about looking in the mirror, shrugging and saying `whatever´, life is about going out there and doing what needs to be done.

So to the BBW out there or those that think you are, if you are just curvy as you are meant to be, please remove those three letters from your vocabulary and enjoy life and to those that are slightly more, well maybe you might want to give Hades a visit, it makes all the difference in the end.

Hope the tequila helped read to the end …

 

 

20 Wonderful British Words

1.

Shag is such a great word it’s hard to believe America has survived for several hundred years without it. What do Americans say when they need to tell someone they’ve had, or intend to have, carefree sex with someone? “Did you have sex with him?” – so cold, so clinical. “Did you shag him?” “Yes, and it was a terrible disappointment.” Many shags are.

2.

One of those beautiful British words that can be applied to a plethora of circumstances. Burned the onions? “Bollocks.” What do you think of The X Factor? “Bollocks.” Listened to that incredibly pissed bloke in the pub? “Everything he said was utter bollocks.” You probably have to spend some time here to fully grasp the nuance, but try it out and see how you go.

3.

Just gorgeous. Calling someone a numpty is damning, but without the aggressive edge of “wanker”, “prick”, or “dickhead”. It’s basically a cosy, amicable way to indicate that someone has failed on every level.

4.

Just much funnier than the word “toilet”, and 100% more down-to-earth than “bathroom”. And don’t even go there with “little lady’s room”.

5.

Pooping is for children. If “he pooped”, he should be under 10. Shitting, and the past-tense “shat”, are for grownups. “Massive night last night?” “Yep, shat myself.” Welcome to Britain.

6.

This wonderful word originates from the Scottish word “ming”, meaning excrement. “Minging” and the related noun “minger” are often employed to describe someone you regret shagging or would never shag because they are so minging. It could also be applied to something found rotting at the back of the fridge.

7.

Again, it is hard to understand how America has got by without this on-point word to describe a long, wet kiss. If you say you’ve kissed someone it could be anything from a formal peck on the cheek to a full-on session with whirling tongues and tsunamis of saliva. Say that you “snogged” someone and everything’s clear.

8.

I dunno, maybe Americans say “bigmouth”? But gobshite is so much better. Just a couple of lovely, rubbery, dirty-sounding syllables to ram home the fact that someone talks a load of shit.

9.

If someone spends too much time being a gobshite, they might turn into a twat. Someone who calls a girl a minger could be a twat. Someone who shags around is probably a twat. Feel for the poor Americans that don’t get to enjoy using the word twat like us Brits do.

10.

America just doesn’t get the word pants. For Americans pants are like chinos. Dads wear pants to the office (a hilarious concept for many British people). But as well as meaning knickers or “panties”, pants has another even better use over here, and that is to describe something that is not good at all. That is lame. Like, you’d say that Batman v Superman was pants.

11.

A vital, essential word called upon several times a day to describe literally anything if you can’t remember its name. “Pass the thingamajig.” “He was with thingamajig.” “Ooh, it’s over by the thingamajig.” Can be contracted to “thingy” when you can’t even remember the word thingamajig.

12.

Another terrific word, similar in meaning to “pants” but perhaps even more fun to say. It’s more of a northern thing here in the UK, and nobody really knows where it comes from, although it probably has something to do with cotton mills that presumably had a lot of bobbins lying around. Most Johnny Depp films in recent years have been utter bobbins.

13.

American’s might have recently discovered this very special, very British word after MP Victoria Atkins branded Donald Trump a “wazzock” in a debate in the House of Commons. There couldn’t really be a better definition of the word wazzock than “Donald Trump”.

14.

This word would come in useful to Americans who need a new way to describe frat boys. They’re all pissheads.

15.

In America this is known as jerking off or jacking off, which are nowhere near as versatile as “wank”. In Britain you can have a wank, be a wanker (another word for a wazzock), and you can also decree something to be wank. Kale crisps (kale chips?) for instance, are total wank.

16.

Not the same as minging, but similar. Manky suggests something that’s old and probably stained or smelly. Your boyfriend’s week-old socks are manky. A damp towel left on the bathroom floor is definitely manky. It’s an incredibly useful word that no Brit would want to live without.

17.

Wally is probably your uncle Walter if you live in America. If you are British your uncle probably is a wally, even though he’s called Alan. Wallies are uncool. They’re goofy. They wear Winnie-the-Pooh socks and dance really, really badly to Taylor Swift at parties. Then they say “Tay’s cool” before tripping on the edge of the carpet and spilling their punch down their shirt. But we love Uncle Alan despite his wallyishness. Wallies are mostly quite nice.

18.

Your uncle Wally is also a massive plonker.

19.

In America a cackhanded person would be called butterfingers, which is frankly just a bit too kind. Your hands aren’t covered in butter, they are covered in cack – i.e. poo – and that’s why you keep dropping things all the time, you cackhanded numpty.

20.

Literally the tip of a penis.

Happy birthday Dr. Seuss

Theodor Seuss Geisel was born 112 years ago today!

Dr. Seuss Quotes:

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

“Why fit in when you’re born to stand out?”

“You’ll miss the best things if you keep your eyes shut.”

“Today is your day. Your mountain is waiting. So … get on your way.”

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.”

“If things start happening, don’t worry, don’t stew, just go right along and you’ll start happening too.”

“A person’s a person, no matter how small.”

“It is better to know how to learn than to know.”

“Be who you are and say what you mean. Because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.”

“You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And you are the one who’ll decide where to go.”

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living; it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life’s realities.”Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.”

“To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.”

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”

“Life’s too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forgive the ones who don’t and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it’d be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.”

“Fun is good.”

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Giving a new author a chance

I have never heard of Julius Schenk but I saw the promotion of his book on one of the many pages I follow, from his photo he looks rather young and while this is not typically what I like in fantasy I am willing to give it a try. What swayed me? I read his biography on Amazon and he states, and I quote:

“My main mission as a writer of ‘Dark Fantasy’ is to keep it original and unique and hopefully come up with some monster or power that is new. I’d love to be like Bram Stoker with Vampires or Romaro and Zombies.”

Anyone who aspires to be like Bram Stoker deserves that I at least read the book.

So Mr Schenk, here is my contribution to your new book…

Take The Body… (Dark Gods & Tainted Souls Book 1)

by Julius Schenk

Seth stood and watched the nightmare creature as it tore its past master into bloody shreds and tried not to let the gripping fear show on his face. He could feel the man’s life force, his memories, his talents and hard won skills filling his own mind and body, turning him into something much more than the lowly soldier he’d been just mere moments before.

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English is difficult…?

Over the years I have met many Portuguese people that either they or their parents immigrated to English speaking countries, the most common result is that the following generation born in said country no longer speaks Portuguese. Our “mother tongue” is Portuguese, we speak it at home, with friends and family. Child 1 went to Portuguese school first and then later to an English school. She did university in Portuguese and now wants to go to chef school…. in English. Child 2 is still in  a Portuguese school, her English is okay, not brilliant but she can have a conversation. One day she too will transfer to an English school. The reason for doing this is because Portuguese is so damn difficult to learn. My sisters and I went to English schools but we always spoke Portuguese at home, there were no Portuguese schools where we lived (in the middle of nowhere) but my mother taught me how to read Portuguese either reading recipes for her in the kitchen while she cooked or with my father´s Asterix & Obelix books. Tintin, Blake and Mortimer and Ric Hochet were where I practiced my new gained skills.

Today I have an extra language that I can´t speak but can read, I need it for work. So for five days a week I work with three different languages. Where did this rant come from? My expat colleague´s have to learn Portuguese, the official language in this country… my heart goes out to them.

Why would someone who has a native language not teach it to their child? Some languages are a nightmare to learn, English is amongst the easier ones. If you are a non-English speaker, be kind to your children and teach them English on the side, it is essential but so is keeping our roots and the knowledge of our language. Besides it won´t do any harm on their cv when one day they are sitting in front of a potential boss in an interview.

The picture below´s title (if you don´t read Portuguese) is I don´t study English because it is  difficult and beneath you have the conjugation of the verb “DO” in both languages.

I think I made my point!

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